Punkin’ Hell

So this week’s RAW was certainly one for the ages and it’s the first time I’ve been able to watch it live on TV in a long time (usually have to record) as it’s on in the UK at 2am. I am mighty glad I did though as it was one of the best RAW episodes in a long time. The overall gimmick was RAW Roulette and HBK was to return but we got something much, much better.

We opened the show with HBK who has returned to host. Surprise, surprise HBK has a new TV show out which is why he couldn’t wait until now to finally come back. This dude is worse than the Rock. Can I just be controversial and say I just don’t get HBK’s appeal? His wrestling is just as wooden as his promo work. Also, what is with the outfits? The dude looks like a lesbian. Anyhoo, he did a big speech about how he couldn’t wait to return and made a joke that he didn’t want to plug us new TV show (whilst plugging it). It’s about hunting and sounds utterly gross. He was interrupted, thankfully, by CM Punk and the New Nexus. It was interesting to see that they were by his side considering he is leaving soon.

Punk told HBK that he is a loser and left WWE a loser unlike him as he’ll beat John Cena for WWE Title. HBK replies by saying that he was a still is better than Punk will ever be. Punk asks if that’s a challenge. Then comes some Punk genius. HBK said that he and Punk were alike as they don’t “smoke, take drugs or drink” to which Punk replied “anymore”. Genius.  HBK said he liked Punk’s style but he preferred his own and then hit Otunga with Sweet Chin Music. The Anon GM (bleurgh) interrupted and announced that Punk will have a match next. We then cut to Booker T with the Roulette Wheel.

I will keep mentioning it but just to start; Booker T almost ruined the show. His segments were clearly pre-recorded are far, far too long and boring. He was bouncing around like a 17 year old on Ecstasy. Dude needs to just go.

The Wheel landed on …

The opponent was revealed by Booker to be Kane.

The Kane/Punk match was so-so until Punk decided to leave the match altogether which allowed Kane to win with a count out.

Next was the match that was meant to happen at Power To The People, Evan Bourne v Sin Cara. Both men made their way to the ring and the ref signalled for the bell but they hadn’t found out what the stipulation was. It was hilariously awkward as Justin Roberts didn’t know whether to stay or go. We then cut backstage to Booker and, for some reason, Eve and Booker went on for absolutely ages I mean it was just drivel. I wanted to punch my screen but it’s expensive so I just punched my Nan the next day instead. The roulette wheel was spun and the result was a Non Count-Out Match.

 

The match was pretty good but also pretty short. It didn’t really live up to the hype and I had actually expected more. Sin Cara picked up the win to continue his undefeated streak.

Following that was Kofi Kingston who was going to spin the wheel to discover his stipulation in yet another match against Dolph. I love Dolph/Kofi but, come on. I love Chocolate Ice Cream but if I had it 4 times in a row, I’d soon get bored. Kofi was interrupted by Vickie Guerrero who spun it instead and the wheel revealed it was…

Kofi was delighted to announce that his choice was Vickie being banned. Technically, she was the player so it should’ve been her choice but I’ll let it slide.

The Kofi/Dolph match was fantastic as always and can I just say, Kofi’s SOS is my favourite move in WWE at the moment. It’s just brilliant. The match ended with Trouble In Paradise for a Kofi Kingston win.

Sadly, we then went back to Booker T who was speaking gibberish to Maryse who looked scared of him. Booker spouted BS for a while until Alberto Del Rio arrived. He was annoyed he had to face Big Show but Booker told him to spin the wheel. Alberto let Maryse choose and hit on her. He didn’t notice the wheel’s result…

Booker started laughing like an absolute fucking dickhead and Alberto walked off in a huff.

The cage match was also pretty good and the Alberto Del Rio thong reveal was a major hit on the blog. Thanks everyone. Wednesday Wedgie is becoming extremely popular. The match went on for a few minutes and Mark Henry appeared. At first Henry just walked around the cage but then he ripped off the door and climbed inside. Del Rio saw this as an excuse to escape for the win.

Meanwhile, Henry charged at Big Show with the cage door and the cage collapsed under Show’s weight sending him crashing to the floor. It was epic.

Following that was Kelly Kelly v Nikki Bella. The stipulation was yet to be decided so we went to Booker T who wanted it to be a pillow fight. Of course. Instead we were given…

It was an interesting one which actually showed off their talent with Kelly Kelly picking up the win with a Boston Crab. Afterwards, the Bellas went after her but  a run in from Eve evened (pardon the pun) things up.

For some reason they ran a promo about Andy from Tough Enough. Couldn’t care less, hope he gets injured and can’t wrestle.

We then saw Rey Mysterio with Booker T and Booker spoke to Rey like he was retarded. Rey spun the wheel and his match was to be a Tornado tag match. Rey asked what it meant but it was obviously just a chance for WWE to explain what it was to the idiots in the fan base. Hey guys, thanks for reading.

Rey left and then Diamond Dallas Page made an appearance to plug the new WCW Best Of Nitro DVD. I actually want this DVD, it looks pretty good and I don’t have to worry about betraying WWE if I enjoy it. Drew McIntyre inexplicably decided to show up and berated Booker and DDP until Shawn Michaels arrived and hit the Sweet Chin Music. He then berated the two on WCW being inferior.

The Tornado Tag match with Rey/Riley going against Swagger/Miz was actually really good and we’ve not had a Tornado Tag match in a long time on RAW. I was really impressed and it was one of the strongest of the night.

Rey/Riley managed to pick up the win though.

The main event was Cena/Truth but Truth got to spin the wheel with the result being…

Cena has a history of losing Tables matches so it was going to be interesting. The match was pretty good and I actually enjoyed it. It ended promptly, however, when CM Punk ran in allowed the distraction for R Truth to pick up the win.

Afterwards, CM Punk picked up a mic and that’s when history happened. It was a promo like no other and we’ve all been talking about it for weeks. I can’t do it justice so here, courtesy of The Examiner is a full word-by-word transcript of what Punk said.

“John Cena, while you lay there, hopefully as uncomfortable as you possibly can be, I want you to listen to me.

I want you to digest this because before I leave in 3 weeks with your WWE Championship, I have a lot of things I want to get off my chest.

I don’t hate you, John. I don’t even dislike you. I do like you. I like you a hell of a lot more than I like most people in the back.

I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing Vince McMahon’s ass.

You’re as good as kissing Vince McMahons ass as Hulk Hogan was. I don’t know if you’re as good as Dwayne though. He’s a pretty good ass kisser. Always was and still is.

Whoops! I’m breaking the fourth wall! (Punk waves to the camera)

I am the best wrestler in the world.

I’ve been the best since day one when I walked into this company. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day because Paul Heyman saw something in me that nobody else wanted to admit. That’s right, I’m a Paul Heyman guy. You know who else was a Paul Heyman guy? Brock Lesnar. And he split just like I’m splitting. But the biggest difference between me and Brock is I’m going to leave with the WWE Championship.

I’ve grabbed so many of Vincent K. McMahon’s brass rings that it’s finally dawned on me that there just that, they’re completely imaginary. The only thing that’s real is me and the fact that day in and day out, for almost six years, I have proved to everybody in the world that I am the best on this microphone, in that ring, even in commentary! Nobody can touch me!

And yet no matter how many times I prove it, I’m not on your lovely little collector cups. I’m not on the cover of the program. I’m barely promoted. I don’t get to be in movies. I’m certainly not on any crappy show on the USA Network. I’m not on the poster of WrestleMania. I’m not on the signature that’s produced at the start of the show. I’m not on Conan O’Brian. I’m not on Jimmy Fallon. But the fact of the matter is, I should be.

This isn’t sour grapes. But the fact that Dwayne is in the main event at WrestleMania next year and I’m not makes me sick!

Oh hey, let me get something straight. Those of you who are cheering me right now, you are just as big a part of me leaving as anything else. Because you’re the ones who are sipping on those collector cups right now. You’re the ones that buy those programs that my face isn’t on the cover of. And then at five in the morning at the airport, you try to shove it in my face and get an autograph and try to sell it on Ebay because you’re too lazy to go get a real job.

I’m leaving with the WWE Championship on July 17th. And hell, who knows, maybe I’ll go defend it in New Japan Pro Wrestling. Maybe I’ll go back to Ring of Honor.

(Punk looks at the camera and waves)

Hey, Colt Cabana, how you doing?

The reason I’m leaving is you people. Because after I’m gone, you’re still going to pour money into this company. I’m just a spoke on the wheel. The wheel is going to keep turning and I understand that. Vince McMahon is going to make money despite himself. He’s a millionaire who should be a billionaire. You know why he’s not a billionaire? Because he surrounds himself with glad-handed, non-sensical, douchebag (censored) yes men, like John Laurinaitis, who’s going to tell him everything he wants to hear, and I’d like to think that maybe this company will better after Vince McMahon is dead. But the fact is, it’s going to be taken over by his idiotic daughter and his doofus son-in-law and the rest of his stupid family.

Let me tell you a personal story about Vince McMahon alright. We do this whole (anti) bully campaign

(Mic cut off.)”

WHAT… an ending.

Until next time:

XO-WB

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5 comments on “Punkin’ Hell

  1. Ian says:

    Do you have the pics from Raw, the ones you posted on JUB? I cant find them ;I

  2. wrestlebitch says:

    Hey, the pics are exclusive to JUB. I host them on here but if you right click the images on JUB you can get the URL for the full sized pic.

    I have to post images on JUB because I can’t just flat out advertise my blog as I’ll get banned. Thanks for visiting!

  3. YOUR A CUNT says:

    Go fucking kill yourself you fucking cunt i hope you get shot in the head cunt

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