Hey! Long time no recap. How are you? Oh really? Oh well, I’m sure that’ll heal up just fine. Anyways, this week’s RAW was a Halloween Muppet Extravaganza and boy was everyone not looking forward to this. Many said they were jumping the shark, that WWE had finally lost the plot… turns out they were the best guest hosts in, like, ever. So what went down?
Well we opened with The Rock who’d made a real effort to travel all the way to RAW. Oh wait, no, it was a pre-recorded video message from his home in Miami. How nice. Rocky was replying to Cena’s request to be his partner at Survivor Series. The Rock found this hilarious and said no to Cena but then he said he wanted to change his mind. I’m really disliking The Rock element of WWE now. The guy says he’s never going anywhere and he hasn’t been around in months. I dunno, I just see it backfiring. Rock also enjoys putting down Cena fans which is just stupid. Cena fans are the ones buying the merch. Oh, and also, I became a Cena fan because The Rock left for Hollywood. So rude. Anyway, eventually The Rock said yes and that would’ve been a bigger thing if WWE hadn’t been advertising the fact he’s wrestling at Survivor Series. Whoopsie.
Then we had our first match which was CM Punk v Mark Henry. They showed some footage of the AWESOME ring collapse at Vengeance which I’m sure is on that YouTube thingy. A lot of people bitching and whining about it already being done but who cares? Trust me, I’m an expert at having the same thing done repeatedly inside a ring. Before the match got under way my new favourite person John Laurinaitis (whose name I don’t know if I’m spelling correctly) came out. Now, everyone seems to be hating on him but I think his character totally works. It’s understated but still evil and his voice plays well to that. I like him. Anyhoo, he said that if Punk can beat Henry then he’ll be able to face Del Rio at Survivor Series.
The match was going well until Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriquez came down and interfered. Del Rio sent his stooge into the ring to beat up Henry in order for Henry to win via DQ. This worked and Punk lost meaning no title match. Not one to let things slide, Punk attacked Del Rio and Rodriquez and threw him to the lions… or Mark Henry.
Then it was Muppet time as Miss Piggy and Kermit popped up to say hi. Miss Piggy was about to explain why she is the original Diva but was interrupted by Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger. Vickie and Piggy clearly didn’t get along and Swagger threatened them both. Kermit, however, slammed Vickie by saying they didn’t want any trouble from Swagger… or his mother. See? Muppets rule. Santino then got involved and announced that Swagger needs to warm up for a match against him. Swagger said he’d have Dolph on his side (aww, bromance) but Santino said that “John Laryngitis” told him Dolph also has a match against Zack Ryder.
After this announcement, Kelly Kelly came out and snogged Kermit as we headed for the Divas Halloween Battle Royal. Many people have said that WWE Divas haven’t come on very far but I remember when the Divas used to dress up when there wasn’t a match involved. Heck, a Smackdown Thanksgiving episode saw two Divas wrestle in gravy. Progress, people. Pretty much all the Divas were there but there could only be one winner… Eve! Natalya and Beth Phoenix then set on Eve but Alicia Fox (me neither) and Kelly Kelly jumped to her defence. I smell a Survivor Series Matchhhhhh.
We then zoomed backstage to where the good folks in the Muppet Labs were making an energy drink for Santino. Beaker was ordered to go deliver it but ran into Christian who called him a nerd and poured his drink on the floor. Luckily, Sheamus was there to rescue him and the two discussed how Sheamus couldn’t make the family reunion. It was a cute as fucking kittens.
The next match was AirBoom v Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett. It’s interesting to point out this will be the last time we’ll see Evan for a while considering his suspension for violating the wellness policy. I guess we know what made him fly so high. The match was actually pretty good but I’m always biased because I literally want to bury my face into Cody’s ass and live there forever. The match ended with a Cody/Wade win and the two went to put the hurtin’ on AirBoom and, just for the lols, Christian ran in to take part. But, as with everything in WWE, the numbers were evened up as Sheamus saved the day. I so hope WWE wasn’t hoping for a 6 Man Tag at Survivor Series because Evan totally fucked that up.
Backstage again, where CM Punk wasn’t happy with John Laurinaitis as he was screwed out of his title shot. He started to insult my new favourite person but Laurinaitis simply told him that match is still on if Punk can get Del Rio to agree. See? He’s fair. And he’s TOTALLY not up to anything with all that texting. Nothing. At. All.
Speaking of Del Rio, it was Big Show v Del Rio next and I must say Big Show is looking a lot leaner these days. Good on him. Their match was also pretty awesome so I’d definitely give that a watch if you haven’t already. Big Show picked up the win with an epic punch to Del Rio. After the match, Punk came down to the ring and explained to Del Rio that he was going to put him in the Anaconda Vice and won’t stop until Del Rio agreed to their match. Del Rio agreed, obvs.
Backstage to the Muppets once more where Swagger, Dolph & Vickie ended up tying up Gonzo’s arms. Mean.
It was then time for Santino v Swagger and the match was so-so. I am a fan of Swagger but it’s clear they aren’t quite sure what to do with him yet but teaming with Vickie is a step in the right direction. The match wasn’t going well for Santino until Beaker appeared with the energy drink from before and gave it to Santino. Santino, however, choked on it and ended up spitting it into Swagger’s eyes. He then rolled him up for the win.
Not long after Swagger loss, it was the turn of Vickie’s other client. Dolph v Ryder was a good match but one we’ve seen way too many times now. It’s obvious the two have chemistry but it’s also obvious the feud is going to run out of steam. Anyhoo, Ryder won the match. Woo Woo Woo.
We then had an update on Triple H who is said to be out for at least 5 weeks. We also discovered that Nash has been resigned. The plot is thickening like an artery after a KFC Double Down. After using his sombre voice for the Triple H announcement, Cole went into full asshole mode and took to the mic. Last week, he challenged JR to a Michael Cole challenge where, if Cole loses, he quits RAW. He went into a tirade about JR having bowel issues and then said JR should wear an adult nappy. I must admit, the Depends gag made me giggle. What? I’m human. Shut up.
More Muppet action where Miss Piggy was flirting with John Morrison. JoMo, however, left quickly and was replaced by Hornswaggle. I think JoMo disappearing suddenly is going to be something that happens in the future.
We then got to the main event which was a Wrestlemania rematch between John Cena and The Miz. Their match was actually really good! Again, go watch it. The twist came at the end when someone in the audience, dressed as the guy from Scream, attacked Cena. Cena batted him off and put Miz in the STF for the win. The Scream guy then ran into the ring, only for Cena to hit the AA and the man was revealed to be… R TRUTH. What… a shocker.
An interesting RAW and quite an enjoyable one too really. I liked it. Did you? Let me know, gurl.